so why should I

there’s a big spider on the other side of my window. it might be a sign from the universe that if i look at myself in the mirror i can see something else. i can see someone else; a change that hasn’t been there; maybe it wasn’t supposed to be there or maybe it was; it’s windy and the spider is hanging onto its web, just stays there; it doesn’t move right or left, i don’t know what it’s going to do next; i can’t move.

so i’m just going to be a cat. cats don’t give a fuck. so why should ? the body knows what to do, so why should ?

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that’s a lot for a tiny person

​a noise in the silence and the unbearable lightness of being
i am here, with all the fears and thoughts and emotions and the wind blowing them all in my face

that’s a lot for a tiny person

a smell of roasted peppers and silence filled with noise like swishing leaves
except that they aren’t leaves; they’re people trying to knock down a door locked from the inside
trying to get in with a screwdriver and a hammer
—————
and how do you know you made the right choice? you don’t. and you did. because all the steps that got you here are every step you took so far
this is your universe
it could be anyone’s though, but it’s not theirs